Dr. Lindsay Weiner - Clinical Psychologist, Podcaster & Author
Dr. Lindsay Weiner
Lindsay Weisner is a clinical Psychologist in Long Island, New York. She graduated from Georgetown University in 1999 and was awarded a fellowship in child development at the NIH/NICHD. She received her doctorate from C.W. Post, LIU, and went on to pursue post-doctorate training at the American Institute of Psychoanalysis.
Dr. Weisner is the current host of the Neurotic Nourishment Podcast and the co-author of the upcoming book Ten Steps To Finding Happy. This book will be released on March 20, 2020, in accordance with the United Nations International Day of Happiness.
I’m so excited for you guys to connect with Lindsay, check out her work, and follow along as she continues to de-stigmatize mental health, one podcast, book, and session at a time.
I'd love it if you'd introduce yourself, what you do, and what you're working on.
I am a mother of a ridiculously precocious nine-year-old girl, and a science and tech-y eleven-year-old boy. I am a suburban mom – despite my best intentions – and I have managed to convince my husband to fall – and hopefully to stay – in love with me for nearly twenty years. Which, as you can imagine, leaves little time to work on anything. But if I’m not working on something, it can make me feel like I’m not working on myself.
The truth is, I’m exhausted. We are all exhausted. Everyone who has the honor and privilege of being featured here – we are all living the dream thanks to coffee and determination, and working damn hard at achieving our goals.
My primary job (other than Mom) is as a Clinical Psychologist, specializing in suicidal teenagers.
I didn’t imagine that keeping humans alive during the most confusing, conflicting, hormone-fueled years of their life would be my calling. I assumed I would work with anxious adults, and possibly some couples therapy. I imagined something…benign. Non-scary. Non-comittal and non-distracting from my kids and my family and my (imaginary) research that would no doubt…exist.
Somewhere along the lines, things changed. I changed. I have the luck and good-fortune of falling into messy, wonderful opportunities. I accidentally registered for my first year of college science class and instead of being a bio class, it was a biological behavior class.
Which means… That suddenly I understood why. Why.
Why I jumped at unexpected sounds. Why I cried when I got angry or frustrated or couldn’t manage to get my words out in the right way – in the way that would make someone understand.
I discovered fight or flight. I discovered that my inherent need to protect myself from the perceived and expected dangers around me – even the familial dangers – was what gave me strength.
So, what do I do now? I help people without panicking. I talk to adolescents and twenty-somethings and anyone who needs to be heard about how thoughts about hurting yourself are so very much different than actions. I hear people without going into fight or flight mode. It’s huge. And it’s heartbreaking. And someone has to do this.
How did you get started?
I took a leap and jumped. For all of it. I wish I could describe a better story, but…sometimes you just know. I knew when I took my first college psychology class. My professor was amazing. Inspiring, challenging, admirable, and somehow, couldn’t overlook the fact that I was 20something, young, blonde, and – boobs.
Let me assure you, there was nothing inappropriate or tawdry. I had been properly sheltered by my…interesting parents. But for all this amazing, Ivy-esque-league professor knew, I was just another slightly spoiled, philodemic, Model United Nations, perfectly-crafted, perfectly-presented eighteen-year-old kid. I was really just a kid who was trying to find something other than what I had seen. Something to aspire to. Something to dream towards.
It…it kind of worked. I had been told “No,” my whole life. In little ways, in big ways, and in ways that made me feel terribly incapable and inefficient. Some were on purpose. Others accidental. My professor told me not to major in psychology.
“There’s no point. You’ll never do anything with it.”
That pissed me off. A lot. I spent most of the first ¾ of my life falling to tears when someone made me angry or frustrated. And then something changed.
I think that is how I got started. Started being me, I mean, rather than trying to fit into the mold I thought I would be.
What inspired the work that you're doing?
My mother. My childhood.
I am comfortable working with suicidal patients – in particular, suicidal teens – because my mother’s multiple attempts at suicide have given me a glimpse into the ambivalence of suicide attempts. I would never suggest that a thought, threat, idea, or intent of an intention to kill or harm oneself should not be taken seriously. But what I did learn from my childhood and my training, is that there is an enormous difference between thoughts, actions, and intent.
Why does this matter? Because so many people don’t think it matters.
I have been trained – conditioned – cautioned – and cursed – to take a step back. I can hear without reacting, listen without needing to plan, fear without screaming, hold those awful feelings without losing my mind and fearing for your child’s sanity. Bad things don’t always happen when someone wants, or needs them, or intends them to. I’m here to pick up the pieces. All of them.
What is your biggest passion? Do you feel like you're living your passion and purpose?
My biggest passion is my quest to de-stigmatize mental health. To make it okay to admit that you don’t feel okay. And hopefully, if we make it less shameful to talk about our painful, self-hating feelings, we can keep some more of our teenagers alive.
I am struggling to spread the word on mental health awareness in two exciting ways. First, I am the host of the Neurotic Nourishment Podcast, and I am thrilled by the brilliant, exciting people I am given the chance to befriend every week. I like to describe the podcast as a place where smart, sweary Mom’s can talk about things that matter. Even if those things are difficult or uncomfortable. Especially if those things are uncomfortable.
Previous guests discussions have included: the difference between mothering as a white woman and a woman of color, how to get over the death of your child, interviews with world-reknown parenting experts, and a debate about whether monogamy is outdated.
The second way I am promoting my passion about mental health awareness is through the release of my upcoming book, Ten Steps To Finding Happy, which will be released on March 20th, 2020, in accordance with the United Nations International Day of Happiness. I am hoping to effect a viral footprint by encouraging people around the world to use the hashtag #TenStepsEndTheStigma in order to draw attention to mental health awareness and mental health advocacy.
I absolutely feel as if I am living my passion and my purpose, and the most surprising thing has been that age has made me feel more comfortable in my own skin, and more comfortable asking for what I deserve and going after what I want. This brings a strength I never knew I would have.
What is your joy blueprint? What lights you up, brings you joy, and makes you feel the most alive?
My children, my husband, and my two cats bring me joy. (The goldfish I could do without.) It’s an interesting distinction, though, aiming to tweeze apart joy from purpose. Sometimes they overlap, at this moment, they do not. As my children have aged and I have grown into my role as a mother, I have created the space for a very different relationship with each child. (Parents that say that they don’t have a favorite child, or that they love each child equally are lying.)
My relationship with my son allows me to reconnect with the creative, day-dreamer, introvert I was as a child. I taught him to ice skate by discussing the physics behind balance and the need to lower his center of gravity, and we share a love of books that come in series, because you get to find out what happens next, and to watch the characters grow and evolve.
My relationship with my daughter gives me a glimpse at the brave, theatrical, bad-ass girl I wanted to be in my youth, but didn’t gain the tools to speak up for myself until my mid-twenties and beyond. Through my daughter, I see how amazing it is to be bold and brave, and I am given the opportunity to enjoy her successes as she makes her presence in the world known.
How do you live intentionally? Are there tools/resources/practices that you rely on to help you stay mindful and grounded?
I don’t. Not very well, and not on my own. I credit my husband for keeping my feet on the ground and my toes pointed in the right direction. Without him I would be heading in twelve directions at once, whole-heartedly and full-speed ahead, but without pausing to take care of myself and to examine my reasonings. He is the foundation of my passion and my family. He keeps the walls up around us so that the rest of us can thrive. He has taught my children about mindfulness and meditation and creating a safe space – mentally and physically – when life gets too chaotic. And when I start sounding a bit too crazy pants, my husband gently reminds me that it is time to return to the active meditation of my yoga practice.
What would your younger self think about what you're doing now?
“Give me a child until he is seven, and I will show you the man he will become.” --Aristotle
By the age of seven I had written my first novel. It was a hunt and peck situation on a typewriter that my father had inherited from his father, which I still have in my house, alongside the Webster’s English Dictionary that my father and his siblings used in grammar school.
Seven-year-old me would be pleased to know that I am still writing, and that both my story-telling and my typing has improved considerably.
At fourteen-years-old I was depressed and confused, unable to process how my mother’s car accident had left her as a different woman completely – and yet everyone else in my orbit pretended things were normal. I knew in my heart that the weeks she spent in bed, the hurtful outbursts (always directed at me) and the significant increase in empty bottles of alcohol meant something was not right. But this was not something that was okay to talk about. And so, I withdrew further. Fourteen-year-old me would be shocked at the Neurotic Nourishment Podcast and at my ability to speak freely.
At twenty-one I was told that my mother’s suicide attempt was my fault. And then a few days later I was told that it was not a suicide attempt, but an accident. This would not be the first time I received this mixed message. I was angry then, and would probably be angry now, looking at how many years I obeyed the unspoken rules of covering up the mental illness that plagued my family. But twenty-one-year-old me would pleased at my attempts to stop the silence and end the stigma.
Twenty-eight-year old me had just gotten married. She would be sad that I wasn’t still wearing a size six. That’s okay, though. That twenty-eight-year old was still trying to make things look pretty on the outside so that no one knew how tumultuous everything felt on the inside.
Thirty-five-year old me would never have envisioned juggling all that I do and not losing my mind. Because thirty-five-year old me didn’t know that it was an undiagnosed neurological condition, ADHD, that had held me back and fueled my anxiety and supported my silence.
At forty-two I’m proud to say I’m doing a little bit of everything each day, I’m never gonna be a size six again, and I’m never going to let someone shame me – or anyone else – into silence when it comes to mental health. I was given this mother, and this mouth, and this life for a reason, and if I end up helping one person by spreading this message, the girl I was then and the woman I am now should both be proud.
Do you have a go-to mantra or affirmation?
Hell, yes: You are stronger than you think you are.
What is your biggest dream?
My biggest dream is that I teach my children to believe in themselves, specifically, to believe that they are brave, strong, and steady. If I can teach them to feel this way, they will always find a way to make themselves happy, and to succeed in life and in love.
To learn more about Lindsay and her work visit her on Instagram @PsychShrinkMom on Twitter @LindsaySKallen and Facebook @LindsaySKallen and you can find the Neurotic Nourishment Podcast on Instagram @NeuroticNourishment and on Apple Podcasts here and for more about her upcoming book, Ten Steps To Finding Happy, you can learn more on Facebook at Finding Happy and on Instagram @10StepsFindingHappy.
Joy Corner is an interview-style blog series brought to you by Seek The Joy Podcast. Our mission continues to be a desire to share your stories, truths, joys and inspiration in your words. We invite you to join our corner, and share your joys, passions, and moments of inspiration as we continue to seek the joy, together. Join this series here