Managing Overwhelm and Our Expectations
Hi friends,
How are you? How are you feeling?
It’s officially day 11 of self-isolation for me, and the last week has been filled with so many emotions. Overwhelm has been my constant companion. It’s an emotion that I know well, and truthfully I’ve spent too much time with, but I never expected that it would be so prominent right now. I thought for sure anxiety, worry, stress, and fear would be what I’m experiencing the most - but overwhelm has been my constant companion.
Overwhelm is something we all experience, and over time if we let it do its thing - it can take over our emotional and physical health, leaving us feeling depleted, emotionally drained, and exhausted. Overwhelm is this moment of feeling completely overcome by an intense emotion and feeling that something (or everything) is too much, and too challenging to manage. It’s uncomfortable and it’s defeating.
In this week’s new episode, I talk about overwhelm, my own emotions during these truly chaotic, emotional, and isolating times, and how I’m approaching my own sense of overwhelm moving forward. Hint: it starts with managing expectations.
I don’t have all of the answers, but it’s my hope that in sharing my own experience, it’ll serve as a reminder that we’re not alone - not now, not ever.
Now, more than ever, connection and community is so important. I’d love to hear from you! Make sure to join the conversation on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter!
Dear Overwhelm . . .
The entire world is experiencing a state of panic and fear, this is a global sense of anxiety I’ve never witnessed before, and I’m going to guess you haven’t really experienced this either. I really do feel like this sense of global anxiety and fear, is trickling down everywhere and into everything. Relationships are a little more tricky right now, everyone is feeling more raw and vulnerable, and we have no idea what’s about to happen next.
It’s overwhelming.
When we’re experiencing overwhelm, we’re often hit with a spiral of negative emotions - from anger, fear, anxiety, guilt, stressed, feeing out of control, helpless, etc.
What triggers overwhelm?
It’s different for everyone, but for me - a lack of security and safety, feeling like I’m out of control, and uncertain of what’s next - triggers my overwhelm.
I don’t have all of the answers, but I can only share my experience in the hopes that it’ll remind you that you’re not alone - not now, not ever.
Without even realizing it, getting up every morning to go to work has been a routine and a structure that has grounded me. With work from home (WFH) now officially in place (I’ve been home now for 11 days!), in many ways it feels like the ground has been lifted up from under me. Is anyone else feeling this way? I’m still working long hours (truthfully even a little bit more right now than I was before), I’m staying connected to my co-workers, my friends, my family . . . but, I feel . . . overwhelmed. I feel rattled. My routine is gone, but more than that - my sense of security is gone too.
Last week was probably one of the most difficult and overwhelming weeks I’ve ever had. I keep returning to gratitude - gratitude for the food in my refrigerator, the roof over my head, my job, my family, my friends, my co-workers, and most importantly - my health.
The truth is, gratitude isn’t really doing it for me right now. It’s not snapping me out of my fear or worry, it’s not helping me take deeper breaths, or trust that everything is going to be okay.
It’s okay if you can’t stay positive all the time. It’s okay if you don’t feel grateful all the time. Grace, patience, and compassion for self right now - is what’s going to get us through.
I want to stay positive, I don’t want to get stuck in the doom and gloom of it all, because I know in my heart that all of this - the virus, the unrest, the panic, the worry, and all of the financial, physical, and emotional difficulties that are occurring as a result - serves a purpose. Even if we can’t see it right now.
I also know that staying positive, staying in my joy, doesn’t mean that I have to be happy, positive, joyful, or trusting all the time. Instead, it means that even on days that feel incredibly difficult and uncertain, I know that there are better days coming. . . even if we’re not sure exactly when those days will be there.
It’s difficult to see those you love feel the same fear, anxiety and worry that you feel. It’s also difficult to know that there’s nothing that you can say right now to calm their anxiety, fear, or worry.
The best thing that we can do right now is take of ourselves, take care of those around us, and practice self-compassion and patience. This isn’t going to last forever. One day at a time, one step at a time, one breath at a time.
Tips for Managing Overwhelm
Here’s how I’m approaching my overwhelm right now. If you also feel like you’ve hit your limit - emotional, physical, spiritual, mental - I hope that this helps. I’d also love to know what you’re doing to help manage your overwhelm right now, because I know we’re all feeling it.
Take an emotional inventory
Write down everything that’s on your plate - from the actual “to-do” list items to the people in your life and their needs. Take an inventory of everything that’s going on in your life right now. You might discover that you really can tackle everything that’s in front of you, or you might realize that you can’t do it all - and there might be some things you have to say “no” to right now. That’s okay! Ask for help, tell the people in your life that you can’t take on one more thing, and work together to brainstorm another solution.
Remember - you can’t be everything for everyone. Boundaries, especially right now, are so important.
Take a personal time out
Do you remember when you were a kid and your parent put you on a time out? This might sound ridiculous, but I think it’s really helpful. Sometimes we need to take a personal time out from being with or helping other people.
There are so many things that we have to say “yes” to every day - work obligations, social obligations, etc. If you can, I encourage you to find a moment every day (or every hour) to take a personal time out. Put on a tv show you really love for 15 minutes, go outside and breathe in the fresh air, call a friend, etc.
You can’t be “on” all of the time, and with everything that’s going on right now - taking a little time for you will go a long way.
Acceptance + Surrender
Beyond social distancing, washing my hands, and being mindful - there’s not a lot that I can do to control what’s going to happen with this virus. Knowing this - isn’t easy, but I had to let go of control. I had to surrender to the fact that all of this is happening, I can’t change the fact. Trying to fight against how I’m feeling isn’t going to help either. Instead, I’m working on accepting my anxiety, and trying to compartmentalize my emotions when I can.
There’s a lot in our lives that we can control, but there definitely comes a point where we just have to surrender. Know and trust that you’re doing your part. When and where you can, loosen your grip. Take the pressure off when you can, and focus on the good that you can bring to this situation, your life, and the world.
Managing my expectations of myself has been a huge part of acceptance and surrender. I’ve been spending some time thinking about what I thought I “should be doing.” The pressure I’ve put on myself to do x, y, z, and the different standards I’ve felt I’ve needed to maintain (hello my inner perfectionist!) My life has changed in less than two weeks, and I’ve been trying to maintain a certain level of “being” that doesn’t match the current circumstances. I’ve had to change my expectations of myself, and realize that I may not move as fast as I did before, but that’s okay! Instead, I’m focusing on what I can do right now, and simplifying the rest - a little more on that below.
Simplify
Last week I realized I was trying to do too much, my expectations didn’t match the reality of my new situation. If I’m working 12-13 hours every day, there’s no way I’m going to binge watch a new show, try a new recipe, go on an hour long walk, start a new project etc. Instead, I can go on a 30 minute walk, I can rely on a recipe I know or food I’ve already meal prepped, and plan to watch one tv show before I go to bed. This might seem silly, but I realized that simplifying my expectations for this new period in my life is going to be key.
What can you let go of right now to make more space for you to breathe, and just be?
Focus on Where you Are
I watched Moana this weekend (currently obsessed with my Disney+ subscription) and there’s a line from this one song that is stuck in my head - “happiness is where you are.” This is so timely right now! I’ve been spending so much time worrying about what the future holds, instead of just focusing on where I am right now. I’m challenging myself to think about one moment, task, and experience at a time.
Trust Your Own Resiliency
This is something I just started thinking about, and I hope that it helps you too. We are so much stronger than we realize, and we are so much more resilient than we give ourselves credit for. You’ve been through difficult and challenging times, you’ve faced adversity, and you’ve made it to the other side. You will figure this obstacle out too.
Above all else remember to be kind to yourself right now. You are doing the best that you can, and reach out for support when you need it. Right now is also a really good time to bring in a little more self-care when you can. At the end of a long day - put your phone down, read a book, watch TV, go on a walk - anything to give yourself a mental break.
I can’t wait to hear what you think about these tips, and I hope that they resonate for you. Make sure to join the conversation on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter and comment below and share your tips for managing overwhelm in your life.
Sending so much love. Always remember that you’re not alone. We’re in this together, and we’re all going to be see the other side of this - together.
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